Protecting your heart is More than Just putting walls Up in hopes Of protecting yourself from future harm.
Something seriously got lost in translation where We think "protecting your heart" means loving-less than It's actual intentions Of learning to Love BETTER..."
We have emotionally unavailable people walking Around pretending they have It all together when The TRUTH Of The matter is...We aren't Making loving us better by blocking The very thing We are afraid Of getting hurt again.
First things first... We can't avoid ALL pain or hurt...it comes with the grand ole' spectrum of emotions and experiences called life.
Some pain is simply unavoidable...
But I couldn't help but notice that even after the most painful moment of my life was "behind me" my present began to reflect a lot of what I was trying to avoid.
I noticed this pain reflected in the choices I was making post-trauma specifically in my relationships with people.
I never asked to be assaulted, the person who attacked me what someone who befriended me, I built a relationship of trust with this individual, and when I was most vulnerable he took the opportunity, drugged and raped me.
My thought process about relationships(intimate or not) was completely jaded.
My views on "love" only made sense if pain was involved. Looking back at my past relationships it made sense... God intended sex to be the ultimate expression of love, while rape takes the pureness of such an act into an act of hate, power and ultimately pain. I was use to living in a state of complexity and hypocrisy.
The state where love and hate coexist was my reality of love; it was a reality I knew God didn't intend for me to live in.
Now, you don't have to have go through domestic or sexual abuse our case to realize what influences certain patterns of relationships you see yourself in.
We are writing specifically for those who are aware or maybe unaware of their patterns of life choices.
It's one thing to go through pain, but to learn from it is another level of growth that requires time and a whole lot of honesty!
So I honestly looked back on my past relationships and could see the negative patterns that emerged.
In my past, I needed to be the fixer. If I couldn't fix my hell of a past I needed to be the fixer of someone else's. But it's not enough to fix brokenness for somebody other than yourself.
Healing is a SELF-Job, not reliant on a relationship, a career, or success to distract you from the real issue at hand.
How did I know this? Because even with love right in front me I found myself trying to find the bad or make the bad in order for it to make sense with my previously skewed notion that love& hate needed to coexist in order for a relationship to seem "real" to me.
I've grown tremendously since, I chose OUT of intimate relationships with others to protect what I was healing; my heart.
When I allowed for this time I realized protecting My heart began with healing It. I couldn't expect My Love for another job, a NEW relationship, or NEW blessing to be authentic And purely experienced If My Walls Were built so high It blocked My view from seeing a blessing right in front Of me.
So while You are protecting your heart, know What It is You are protecting. Aré they broken pieces needing mending? Don't waste time protecting something not worth keeping; so keep the lesson but loose the anger. Keep the wisdom, but loose the bitterness.
My Past is something I Don't want to keep forever, I'd rather learn from It, heal because Of It, And grow inspite Of It.
Be wise that You aren't projecting Pain on your present or future circumstance. You deserve better, And by being better through The choices You make...better Will come.
We are believing with you.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.