Hii Queens and Kings,
It’s reflction time as we as we close out 2017...can y’all believe that?! There are a lot of topics we covered this year, and many that really resonated with me that I would love to touch on, but one in particular continues to tug at my heart-strings...♥️
Of this year, one of the more challenging topics I felt I had to spend a little more time on was writing for our Conquering Giants Series. I wrote one week on one of the biggest hurdles I’ve faced post sexual assault, was on letting go. Going through trauma teaches you 1. How freaking strong you really are...and 2. Habits you develop as a defense for survival. You ARE a survivor after all, and I can understand how after war, some soldiers come home and hear the rush of a train roaring down train tracks frightening or how crowded streets or rooms feel overwhelming. Their life post-war can seem out-of-control, and after intense surroundings rightfully so.
Now imagine that war against your own body, your body has survived trauma that causes your natural way of life to come to an abrupt hault. I had to be real then, as I am now, that there are still layers of habits I am shedding and surrending to God to heal me from.
Layers of victimization I had deeply internalized that make an appearance during conversations or misunderstandings between friends, family, and while courting.
Seven years later, and I’m letting go as frequently as I’ve had to learn to forgive and I mean truly forgive the man who assaulted me.
This series forced me to be real with myself, and looking back, I know the work still is not done. At the same time , I am not walking around ashamed like “I’m no where where I want to be...and I have so much work left to do internally for me to feel accepted in LOVE.” No, I AM HERE. I am worthy of it NOW, I am worthy... I am beyond WORTHY. YES, I am WORTHY OF IT ALL. All the good I once ran away from or pushed away, I am worthy.
And I will continue to practice these affirmations because we didn’t survive what we did to just tell stories. We survived to take back what the devil stole from us, and I’m coming for mine; 7-fold!
thank you for riding with us through the journey, I pray we are helping you in yours! XxxXx
with love and solidarity,
As I reflect on a past blog I wrote about conquering Giants, I can't help but cry out to my Lord and Savior in gratitude for never leaving me in the dark even when I didn't understand His will.
Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
James 1:12 KJV
As I recap on a long journey of healing while pursuing my dream of being in the fashion industry I must say it has not been an easy walk. Yes, I Interned at known companies around the world while in NYC yet I was unhappy due to my rape experience. While in NYC I was offered help to start my own collection. I thought to myself...this is what I have been dreaming of since I was a little girl, and it was finally about to coming to pass!”
As excited as I was, the devil tried to break me once again. The person who was "willing to help me" start my career in NYC launching my very own brand had other motives.
The person who presented me with this career-changing opportunity was trying to set me up to be sexually assaulted again. I remember an overwhelming feeling and the enemy whispering in my ear, “well how bad do you want this?" I thought you wanted your own clothing line?" As if to assume my past would always be a part of my future dreams, success and livelihood.
The devil tried to use my dreams and lined up temptation on my path. I wasn’t tempted to being abused again...I was tempted to listening to the lies that the enemy had whispered in my ear after being sexually assaulted. The lies that said I was worthless, and unworthy of obtaining anything good in my life without manipulation and pain being involved. God allowed me to be strong and get stronger through daily prayer to walk away from a dream that was wrapped in evil.
Trust me this decision was not an easy one. When making a decision about whether or not to pursue my dreams with this particular opportunity I questioned whether I was just over-thinking this situation or if I just afraid because of my past.
In either case, I'm beyond grateful that God gave me the strength to walk away from what I knew could have potentially turned into a compromising situation.
Romans 5:3-4 NKJV says “And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.
I share this to further add that we go through many trials in life that are not easy to navigate on our own. I have learned that in doing God's will no matter how big or small of a tribulation it may be, God will never forget your desires, dreams and goals. Putting your own plans aside to truly live up to God's will and assignments in your life is the best thing I have done. I will continue to pray through difficult situations to find the strength to make the right decisions for my purpose-filled life.
—Cristal Lowe 💕
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.