Hi I’m Venus Chandler and I am a survivor of childhood trauma and this is a piece of my story.
I was born to A 14, year old girl who completely trusted the world. She was lost and did not know her way. As a result, I became the victim of mental, physical, sexual abuse as well as neglect, etc.
As early as I can remember I had started being molested by multiple people men and women. I had been molested by my mother’s and aunt’s boyfriends. I was also sexually molested by neighbors, family and friends of the family.
As a teenager my mother’s mental illness had overcome her and one day, she decided to pack her things, have me walk her to the Trailways (now Greyhound) bus station and she left. My mom moved to another city and changed her name. My siblings and I ended up in the children’s home and foster care as a result of my mother leaving.
Around this time, I started hating myself and blamed myself for my mother going away. I used to tell myself if she would come back, I would be the best kid ever. I would never give her another problem as long as she did not leave. I had become so depressed and even tried to take my life but I was unsuccessful.
Me and my sister ended up going to live with a relative who her husband was one of the people who had molested me earlier in my childhood. When we moved there, the abuse started again and this time with my baby sister. My uncle would remind me on a daily basis how ugly I was, how unwanted and unloved I was. I could not understand why no one believed me when I told these things was happening to me and my sister. For a long time, I believed what my uncle said about me and that was burned in my brain for many years to come.
I ended up meeting, marrying and having children with my kid’s father but he was an abuser. My then husband started physically abusing me very early on in the marriage and I lost a child as a result of being beat. My son Terrance was born on the 4th of July and died one month later. Eventually, the beatings escalated. One night he beat me so bad and choked me until I stopped breathing. I felt something jerk me up and I took off running. As I ran screaming for help all I could see is blood everywhere and a very chaotic seen. The paramedics were called and he was arrested. Later I found out that a neighbor heard me being beat and came downstairs from the upstairs apartment, kicked the door in and snatched me up and she then called 911.
Eventually, I had enough of the hurt and pain of being abused and left husband and turned to the streets. These traumas ended up leading me down a very dark path. I started drinking heavily, partying, neglecting my children and used prostitution as a way of supporting me and my children. I did this for many, many years.
Eventually, I found God and that was the start of a very long path of changing my life. Many other things happened in between then and now but eventually I changed my life.
Today, I am happy, healthy, whole and love myself beyond measure. I have become an Author of a book called “A Silent Scream, My Story, My Truth.” I am now a Life Coach, Speaker and Childhood Trauma Advocate. I share my story all over the world and anywhere I go because I know that there is someone out there who have suffered the same traumas and had an effect on their life in a bad way. I want to show them that there are other alternatives and that you do not have to allow your past to define your future. I want to show them how to use their voice to find their power and reclaim their lives. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, thank you for giving people like me this platform to use our voice and thank you for allowing me to hopefully use this platform to help save, change or empower another life.
During my teenage and young adult years, I have experienced a wide spectrum of emotions post-trauma. I have since learned not only the importance of loving oneself, but maintains that love for yourself when it’s seems nearly impossible or perhaps more challenging due to life’s demands and identities we carry throughout our lifetime.
As you may know by now, one of the hardest things I have experienced in life has been my experience of sexual assault. Being raped by anyone is a difficult and taxing experience for anyone. Having gone through that experience, I have had to learn to adopt a “new normal.” I have had to learn and accept that my life will never be the same because of that moment but I can learn to adjust, adapt, and become stronger for it.
I was forced to live life differently, primarily in fear until I took steps towards my healing, then in trusting myself. I learned to forgive myself, rebuke the guilt and self-blame and accept that I needed help! Yes, I needed help—I was not taking my diabetic medication because somewhere deep inside of me I stopped caring about myself all together.
I was questioning so much around me including my decisions and relationships. “How was I able to remain loyal to everyone around me, but my self?” I realized than that I had to put me first; and begin making healthier decisions. I had begun with my mind, and renewing it daily from the lies that lay in my head to the truth that “I did matter and that there was much more than my painful past dictating my present and future.”
For so many years, seven years to be exact, I lived in numbing emotional and mental pain. I look back and think, “How can I let seconds maybe a minute that cause so much pain take over my life for so many years...snap out of it Cristal!!!”
Many of us including myself can attest to pain that is deeper than just an experience or one isolated event. The type of pain that could have sent you into shock and knock you unconscious, that silent pain, that hidden pain that live in some of us and no one knows about... it’s is unbelievably debilitating to say the least. And it was time to love me again.
I had to trust myself to move forward in order to see love and loyalty in my life again. I had treat myself like I would any other relationship outside of me. As silly as it may sound, I had to get in a relationship with my self, be committed to loving me again. Becoming loyal to me again started by acknowledging that I wasn’t. I had to step outside of my mind and situation and see what I was and wasn’t doing to love a healthier life (i.e taking my medication). Making small decisions every single day that agrees with your promise for better days instead of your past will collectively add to more love for self, and in turn, love for those around you.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.