The month of June is a very special one for both Cristal and myself. We wanted to cover not only a new series at Herstory, but also share a special message with all of our visitors!
Around this time, two years ago, the Herstory blog was launched; also making today our 100th blog post! DevinMarie: It’s shocking even as I figure out the right words to convey my gratitude for this journey. Herstory was created with the intent of assisting survivors of sexual assault and abuse while also educating our communities on the prevalence of gendered violence. This intention has gracefully transitioned into a service healing initiative founded by two survivors who once met on the premise business in the fashion industry. Although, we understand solutions revolving the prevalence of rape culture require a change in legal/political backing; we also believe that communities need a space to better understand its affect on the women and men who survive these traumatic experiences. There are many milestones we still have left to make to fulfill this vision. We know we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the healing of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and the direction of the Holy Spirit connecting us with the countless survivors we have encountered since starting this blog. Back in November 2017, cofounder DevinMarie was honored as Central Coast’s Philanthropist of the Year for her contributions to Herstory, and this week we wanted to share the open letter she read upon accepting that award. Hello. Thank you National Philanthropy Committee for honoring me with this humbling award. I'm here today to offer my sincerest gratitude to the countless people without whom this experience wouldn't have been possible. "I'd like to thank my alma mater, Santa Catalina School, for the nomination, for the opportunity I had to receive an inspiring education, and for the invitation to be with you all today. With me today is my mother, Olivia, as well as cofounder of Herstory and my best friend Cristal, two women to whom I am truly indebted for graciously guiding me to bravely live out my life as a survivor of sexual assault. As grateful as I am, I cannot help but feel such recognition is a bit premature considering all that we aspire to do over the next two years to fully launch HerStory. I cannot help but feel the need to do more, especially at this pivotal point in time, when echoes of survivors grow louder each day in the media, through currently trending #metoo hashtags, and all around us. I cannot help but feel for the countless other stories that have yet to be told of survivors, not only in Hollywood but from our work spaces, within academia, and other areas deemed progressive by society. It is evident that the door has been opened: sadly but bravely. As much as I appreciate this award and as grateful as I am for it, the greatest reward I’ve ever been given is discovering my purpose, which I've found through Jesus Christ; perhaps the greatest philanthropist I know! One who saw a need, and met it without hesitation, even at the expense of his own life. I would like to leave you with this last thought, inspired by Luke 12:48 which simply states: “To whom much has been given, much will be required." For years I asked God "why was I given this burden to bear?” But through faith, love, and through the voice of a brave young woman who shared her story of survival with me 7 years ago, I found my answer. I have NOW realized what is required of us all is simply genuine and intentional action when we see a need that needs to be met, and I have every intention to continue to pursue that need one story at a time. Thank you. _______________________________________________________ Our greatest prayer is that one person is changed and encouraged to heal from wounds we know run deep. To those who have suffered in silence and have watched the one’s they love suffer in their unexplainable pain—this space has and always will be for you! We love you and support you in your journey—thank you for supporting us in ours! With Love and Solidarity💕, DevinMarie and Cristal Lowe
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Hi Queens & Kings! We are nearing the end of May—if you can actually believe it?! There is still quite a bit we’d like to share, as we conclude our Mass Media and Sexual Assault Series (a topic we will continue to revisit). Part of what we wish to continue to promote with our content is a hope for a more respectful and empowered world seen within our own communities. Here at Herstory, we acknowledge the power and influence mass media has on furthering this agenda. It is our goal to share content and experiences that will progressively move us in a more empowered world where RESPECT for one another is never out of fashion. To speak of her involvement in the fashion industry and its relation to rape culture is cofounder, Cristal Lowe. From Cristal Lowe: “I initially began writing for this week’s blog post on a different topic; but instead thought, maybe I should continue the conversation from my sister’s last entry, only this time, from a designer’s point of view. I too had a unique experience working in the fashion industry as a designer and being a woman of God. I often internalized conversations with myself in regards to the woman’s position in fashion both as a creator and subject. I was always curious as to why more sales were made when women wore less, and questioned the motive behind an industry that is suppose to be selling fashion clothing, not just the bodies that wear them. I always wondered why some models resorted to taking jobs that would expose themselves in a light that GOD would not be well pleased. More importantly, I wondered why the world who consumes these advertisements settle for compromise for the sake of exposure? All in all, making the experiences of sexual violence and harassment in the “real world” more difficult to accept as being true. However, like my sister said, maybe the motive isn’t so much of empowerment as it is for the sole purposes of profit? Maybe we have exchanged what we so desperately want to mean “power” in today’s society for the sake of filling up our bank accounts? As creatives of any industry, I hope we can offer more options for the meaning of success. I hope that creatives consider their art as an extension of influence and its implications on how we treat each other. It is a big feat, but together, I believe we can see a collective change. This isn’t to imply nudity or artistic expressions of sexuality are wrong; but rape is; harassment and prejudices are...I’m merely suggesting we adopt a more critical eye of the intent behind our art especially when it comes to consumerism. As a designer, I have a responsibility in what projects and visions I provide for my models. I set the standard for how I want my models to be portrayed because it’s an extension of my brand and my personal morals. Having worked in this industry for ten plus years, I made up my mind on the nature of the interactions between myself and the models I worked with. I am very much aware of the type of misconduct that occurs in this industry. Therefore, I always offer the option for my models to bring a friend or parent to a casting, or a fitting. I recall the time our co-founder Devin Marie contacted me for auditioning for a fashion show I was producing. Still new to modeling, she asked if she could bring someone with her. Now I can only imagine what was going through her mind (meeting a perfect stranger in a big city) but I quickly replied, “Yes, of course, you can come bring someone to accompany you.” I felt a sound of relief, and we had conducted our casting where we both felt comfortable and respected. At that time, I already endured the most painful experience of my life, being raped. It is because of my experience, I was most certainly relieved that someone would come with her, even though my intentions were strictly professional. Involving myself in the fashion industry after my experience, made me even more aware to implications of sexual misconduct. I can recall at my previous job, a male ex-colleague involved in the model-fitting process. (Fit-modeling involves using the selected model as a garment-tester before mass manufacturing.) They give us feed back on any uncomfortable seams/or give us suggestions like "lower the armhole 1/2" and raise the neck a bit.”) During the casting process this man would go out of his way to make the models wear these white intimates he provided, instead of the company’s standard black panties and bra when photographing them during the selection process. Now for some, many would say, “they’re just little white shorts, it’s part of the job to get undressed for proper measurements, no big deal,” but those little white shorts will expose parts of a woman’s body that the black shorts would not; and in instances like this, I’m always questioning people’s intent/motivation for doing certain things. Taking advantage of your position by using manipulation masked as standard protocol is an abuse of power! In today’s day and age, I have to call things like that into question. It is unfortunate to say, but as much as there are honest, and respectable people in the fashion industry,(like in any profession) there are also individuals who abuse their power. I too agree, that models should get far more respect for what they do. No model should be expected to just undress or put on any kind of clothing they don’t feel comfortable wearing. No model should be made to feel fearful or intimidated when speaking up about their level of comfort in fear of being reprimanded or being seen as “difficult” to work with. At the end of the day they are people, just like you and me, these are mothers, sisters, and aunties. We need to protect and support another human being’s right to say yes or no to something; especially in the work place. It should be okay to say "No, I will not fit that bodysuit without leggings underneath,” just as much as it’s a person’s right to say “yes”! My personal message to all upcoming designers in this world: “Trends fade...and there are options for us to make all creatives feel respected in their artistic environment. On my journey, I have learned, you don’t have to expose a woman’s body to make an impact with my designs. God gave you that talent, what God has for you—IS FOR YOU and no one can take your place because GOD has made you UNIQUELY talented to stand out not become another carbon-copy artist.” -Cristal Lowe It is our hope that the industries we occupy consider us human beings first. We have a responsibility with the power and positions we have been given. It’s time to hold each other accountable; for the sake of art, and more importantly for humankind. As an artist, creator, or consumer, how will you challenge the world around you despite trends or popularity? We sincerely hope you consider these things, until your next return! Stay tuned for a brand new series, we look forward to growing and healing with you! With love & solidarity, Herstory💕 Have you ever seen your pain through other’s eyes? We have all experienced the relatable pull towards someone else’s truth or experience whether that be represented in a scene of a movie, lyrics to a song, or perhaps an image or novel. That relatability often provokes personal emotions to arise, be it positive or negative sentiments. There is something to be said about experiencing trauma first-hand, furthermore, it’s even more thought-provoking when hearing of
someone else’s similar testimony. Years after our experiences of sexual assault, we consider these truths to be self-evident, that our survival-hood is an ongoing process open to ushering in more stories of triumph; while healing from the repercussions of pain, anger, and loss felt by others. Mass media has played a pivotal role is sharing stories similar to my own; forcing me to become even more sensitive to the reality of my own personal experience being shared by so many others. If I am speaking transparently, I am often overwhelmed with a lot of emotions when hearing other sexual assault stories in the media. Emotions range from anger to displaced pain I personally internalize from my own experiences of abuse. Much of my frustration is only amplified in a justice system that does very little to empathize with survivors like ourselves. When you strip away the victim-blaming, and get to the truly upsetting problem; the prevelance of sexual violence, the pain often becomes riddled in helplessness. Sexuality and sexual expression is not as much of a taboo, in our society. We have been conditioned to believe that the only way to sell art or obtain success is through the use of sex. Almost everyone has heard the saying “Sex Sales.” They aren’t wrong either. “The sex industry alone accumulates $150 BILLION a year for traffickers; $99 billion is made from sexual exploitation alone. “ (https://www.humanrightsfirst.org/resource/human-trafficking-numbers) “By 2025, adult content is forecast to be a $1 billion business, the third-biggest virtual-reality sector, after videogames ($1.4 billion) and NFL-related content ($1.23 billion), according to estimates from Piper Jaffray.” This is only further enforced in the industry that I work in as a model/actress, where I see this all first hand. I know actresses who get paid thousands more for exposing themselves nude or partially nude for film than other extras or principle actors. I’ve been offered payment for implied or partially nude shoots from photographers and even pressured by some designers to “expose more” all for the sake of art. I have turned down a lot, but have found myself in compromising situations that are accepted as being “normal” and just part of the industry. It is an industry that is in charge of not only selling to the culture, but influencing as well. As much as sex has become normalized in our society, it becomes even more challenging to accept the pain behind the profit of such industries. The truth in the stories of survivors that come forward arelte often than not, questioned before they are believed. Society is forced to question how something that is was made for entertaining turn into a human rights offense. Sexual assault offenses disrupt the system’s marketing ploy against its consumers. Forcing consumers to question their participation in a culture than desensitizes sexually explicit acts for the purpose of profit. But at what cost? These REAL life testimonies must then be sifted through the facade: that the purpose for sex is solely for entertainment. Sex is also used as a form of power and control; and when manipulated, it can lead to damaging repercussions. On the other side of pain and heartbreak from a broken system and mislead culture, I still have a passion to change the content in our culture that influences such acts. As a survivor and advocate for other survivors, I have made it my responsibility and passion to choose projects and work with people who are conscious of the power that media has on our culture. I don’t get it right all the time...I too have been conditioned to believe that images like these or roles that sexually degrad women of color fill up my bank account quicker, that success is one half-nude shoot away to a MAJOR campaign. I am however, very mindful of my influence. I can no longer ignore the realities that so many continue to face. We as consumers of brands, and mass media in general have more power than we think. We have the right to call ads and content into question, we have the right to demand more from creatives, advertisers, and our media. I’m still hopeful and I believe that overtime we can undo the conditioning that has made our world insensitive to issues that affect us on both a personal and global level. With love and solidarity, Herstory💕 Have you ever seen your pain through other’s eyes? We have all experienced the relatable pull towards someone else’s truth whether that be represented in a scene of a movie, lyrics to a song, or perhaps an image or heart-string-pulling novel. That relatability often provokes personal emotions to arise, be it positive or negative. There is something to be said about experiencing trauma first-hand; then hearing someone else’s testimony closely relatable to your own. Years after our experiences of sexual assault, we consider these truths to be self-evident, that our survival-hood is an ongoing process open to ushering in more stories of triumph; while healing from the repercussions of pain, anger, and loss felt by others. To speak more on her own reflections of media’s portrayal of sexual assault and it’s effects on survivors, is cofounder, Cristal Lowe. A rapist doesn't have to be a stranger to be legitimate. Someone you never saw. A man with obvious problems. But if you been public with him, danced one dance, kissed him goodbye lightly with a closed mouth, pressing charges will be as hard as keeping your legs closed while five fools try and run a train on you. These men friends of ours, who smile nicely, take you out to dinner, then lock the door behind you...--For Colored Girls, 2018. Speaking transparently, I am overwhelmed with a lot of emotions when exposed to other sexual assault stories in the media. Emotions range from anger to displaced pain I internalize from my own experiences of abuse. Much of my frustration is further amplified in a justice system that does very little to empathize with survivors like ourselves. Women of color are often marginalized from these discussions, making the topics we discuss here even more important for us to continue to share. When you strip away the victim-blaming, and get to the truly upsetting problem; the prevelance of sexual violence, the pain often becomes riddled in helplessness. However, years later, I’ve accepted that on the other side of pain and heartbreak from a broken system, is a passion to change our culture that influences such acts from happening.
Content that has influenced me to see the beauty beyond my triggers were movies like For COLORED GIRLS. Like any well-written film, I was rocked with emotion, being brought to tears. One particular scene drew me to an uncomfortable place, where I flash-blacked to my own experience of assault. My tears no longer belonged to the characters in the scene, but my own. They were tears I couldn’t afford to express openly in public, which made watching this with others I loved, even more profound. I recall my husband saying, “Lets just turn it off..." in response to my obvious emotions. While I accept my healing has taken place, my passion to change the culture has only increased. I find it easier now to speak about my experience without breaking down or without mumbling my words. However, my discomfort when seeing such scenes in movies or TV shows forces me to understand my feelings about what I went through that much more. I hate watching someone going through a pain even more so, I hate that I know that pain so personally. These however, are our truths. As more and more testimonies are shared and portrayed throughout mass media (fiction or not), I am too, learning to exchange my pain for empowerment. Stories like the ones shared in For Colored Girls empower me as much as they do challenge my own sentiments of sexual assault. They keep pushing me to consistently grow with my sister through working on HERSTORY because these stories only reaffirm the statistics that report sexual assault in America afflicted upon "1 out of every 6 American women.” (www.RAIIN.org) (14.8% completed rape, and 2.8% attempted). If you ask me, 1 out of 6 is one too many. My wish would be for there not to be another single soul affected by sexual violence or harassment of any kind. While we work on diminishing the rampant occurrences of sexual assault in our world, let us draw closer to the stories that are shared in the media. Let us critically analyze how these stories are portrayed and become more sensitive to the realities of characters and real people we interact with on a regular basis. The more we humanize the people afflicted, the more our culture grows in more empathy and less blame. We can actively empower ourselves and others by supporting media outlets and forms of entertainment that speak to the empowerment of survivors through real stories, as uncomfortable as they make us.—Cristal Lowe Regardless if you share in similar stories expressed in the music you hear or the films you watch—these are stories that are speaking to someone’s truth; a truth, we hope we can all gain a bit more empathy from however we second-handidly experience them. With love and solidarity, Herstory💕 Hi Queens and Kings!
April shower bring May flowers right?! Well we are blooming right into a new month, and we couldn’t be happier to start fresh and new with you all. Although the topics we speak of are heavy in content, our goal is approach the subject of sexual assault and rape culture with the positive sentiment which is “change in our culture, and healing is possible.” The world says their is strength in numbers; God says that He is made strong when we are weak...so which is true? We’d argue both... even in our pain, God has holstered us up when we didn’t feel we could carry on. He would remind us we are never alone in His presence and the strength He showed in other people’s stories of survival further confirmed that truth! Devin Marie: After my personal experience, the first time I heard something on the news, read something online or in a book about a sexual assault story, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Anger, resentment, frustration, and ironically, a bit of peace filled my heart. It was a type of peace in knowing I wasn’t alone in a world that subjects and positions women (especially women of color) to unjust circumstances such as gendered violence. As the media gains more coverage of testimonies from women and men who’ve survived sexual assault, the denial of rape culture having responsibility for the perpetual occurrence of rape, and sexual harassment becomes more of an illegitimate defense for those who don’t agree. The acknowledgement of rape culture forces the narrative to shift from solely victim and perpetrator to communal awareness and response to these crimes. This month’s series “Mass Media & Sexual Assault” will analyze how sexual assault is portrayed in our mass media while also addressing how this news affects many survivors who are still healing from their own experiences. We hope this series is not only informative, but empowering to those who are seeking answers, resolutions and more importantly peace. Stay tuned! NEW BLOG POST dropping next week; EVERY week after that—because YOUR STORY MATTERS! With Love and Solidarity, Herstory💕 Hi Queens and Kings! It’s another amazing day, and another blessing unfolding right before our eyes made up in the present—what’s behind us was meant to make us greater, stronger versions of ourselves. So on today, we stand STRONGER than ever, campaigning along with millions of others who choose to stand in solidarity with us and other countless survivors. What is the Denim Day Campaign? “Peace Over Violence has run its Denim Day campaign on a Wednesday in April in honor of Sexual Violence Awareness Month. The campaign was originally triggered by a ruling by the Italian Supreme Court where a rape conviction was overturned because the justices felt that since the victim was wearing tight jeans she must have helped her rapist remove her jeans, thereby implying consent. The following day, the women in the Italian Parliament came to work wearing jeans in solidarity with the victim. Peace Over Violence developed the Denim Day campaign in response to this case and the activism surrounding it. Since then, wearing jeans on Denim Day has become a symbol of protest against erroneous and destructive attitudes about sexual assault. In this rape prevention education campaign we ask community members, elected officials, businesses and students to make a social statement with their fashion by wearing jeans on this day as a visible means of protest against the misconceptions that surround sexual assault.” (www.denimdayinfo.com) How can you get involved? Share in love and solidarity by wearing denim today. We stand in solidarity with organizations like Peace Over Violence in hopes of drawing more attention to the ongoing epidemic of sexual violence and assault around the world. This week we wanted to dedicate our blog posts to the stories lived and survived by countless survivors whose voices were questioned before believed. We believe you. We stand with you, and will continue to fight for you by sharing our stories while helping to supporting others in their own walk. To share more about her story in dismantling common misconceptions of sexual assault, is cofounder, Devin Marie. There...in a large brown paper bag, secured with red tape that read evidence were the contents of a night I wish I could easily forget. However, no matter how much busy-work I occupied myself with or relationships I got lost in, I couldn’t forget the evening that flipped my world inside out. Inside that brown bag were my personal belongings confiscated by CIA while processing my rape case. The DA assigned to my case decided not to pursue the charges against the man who assaulted me, due to “a lack of sufficient evidence.” Yet, there I was, a year later; signing off my authorization to retrieve my personal belongings at the police station from the night that changed everything I knew about myself and the world I lived in. The case was dropped, and everyone from the DA, the man that assaulted me, the officers that pulled me in for questioning, the nurse that processed my rape kit, the CIA officer that took personal samples of my DNA, all carried on with their lives. The world continued on and I felt stuck, with no real anwsers, no understanding, no ounce of self-love left, and certainly no real will to live... I felt defeated...and all I had to claim of my truth was that brown paper bag, and the contents inside. One item at a time, I pulled out my white vneck, grey jeans, intimates, and my favorite vintage brown Doc Martens. I looked at them all laid out on my bedroom floor thinking We were the only ones that new the truth. Before I got too engrossed in that moment of what was soon becoming a negative head space, I scrambled to collect my things and find a place for the literal baggage I had left over. I shoved it in the deepest part of my closet, and like my case, it was left dismissed and ignored as I too, tried to continue on with my life. I held on to that baggage because then I could reassure myself that the pain I was living with wasn’t all in vain. Everything around me seemed to go back to normal and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t. The contents in that bag had more than just the truth from the evening I was assaulted, they contained a lot of pain too. It was a type of pain that was absorbed in the cotton fibers of my T-shirt and stained the threads that made up the jeans I wore that night before they were removed off of my unresponsive body. And to my defense, and to the defense of all the countless cases where victims were questioned about the legitimacy of their assault...it didn’t matter that I wore that day. It wouldn’t have mattered if I dressed more provocatively or conservatively. The arguement that a woman’s way of dress provokes nonconsentual sexual advances( i.e assault, rape, harassment, molestation) is simply illegitimate and quite frankly, insulting. The way someone dresses should not warrant behavior that compromises their well-being. When women clothed from head to toe are frequently subject to gendered violence in their own homelands. No matter how many times I examined the contents in that bag, the only thing that mattered was the truth that I wore ever since that night. A truth that branded me a victim and that I would have to fight to change into a survivor by the renewing of my mind, and by surrounding myself with love. Through counsel and prayer, I got up the courage to throw away that bag... because my truth was mine regardless of who believed it or who dismissed it. My truth was something I had to begin to live with and find a new normal in. And the truth is, I’m more of survivor now that my past is my past. I’m survivor because that is the story I tell myself AND believe. So today, regardless of what story you’ve lived, you have the opportunity to reclaim it. You don’t have to carry the baggage of your past as the only means of validation. You’re very existence is all the proof you need for someone else to witness and say...”I’m a survivor too.” —DevinMarie With love and deepest admiration for those reclaiming their own stories... We believe you; and your story matters! Wear your Denim & your story PROUD!* 💕Herstory We can no longer turn a blind eye to the realities or survivors and their stories of sexual assault. Whether you’ve heard of these stories via mass media or from someone close in your life; the truth hurts and is all too often concealed. Surviving such an experience, fosters feelings of fear, shame, guilt, or self-blame(sentiments Cristal and myself know all too well). Without the immense support from loved ones and the healing from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, our stories wouldn’t have been shared; and Herstory may not have been created. We are grateful to share in a platform that allows us to share stories and ask questions including the question we are presenting for this week’s blog post.
How was the term sexual assault introduced to you? It goes without saying that many cultures and societies fixate a lot of their media and marketing around sexually implied rhetoric and images. The whole “sex sales” sentiment says a lot about the way mass media outlets feel towards the subject. Hence, why rape culture is so prominent and easily dismissed in conversations for having any influence on the way we interact as human beings. Generally speaking, the general populace can acknowledge rape, assault, abuse, and harassment are “bad”...yet these acts continue to happen; and at an alarming rate. A recent article from the Huffpost speaks on 30 shocking statistics the general populace may not be familiar (https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_58e24c14e4b0c777f788d24f )including; the 13% of female rape survivors who will attempt suicide. Cristal Lowe: “I was that 13%...more than once. I experienced moments of complete helplessness, whether it was sitting at my bedroom desk with pills I collected around the house, contemplating whether I should take them or sitting on my bathroom floor with a broken razor thinking a body with no oxygen would be better. That is only a broken piece of the days I lived thinking my breath was not worth taking if I had to feel broken, alone, abused, and unworthy, every single day. I opened up to a few people in my life I trusted about what happened, but I always ended the conversation with "PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE." Until one night, when I could no longer breathe, feeling like I was gasping for my last breath and crying my eyes out thinking "this is it... I'm going to do this" when suddenly a good friend of mine, Mr. Bell reached via telephone. It was in that moment, on the verge of me completely giving up, I knew it was GOD; and that there was a GOD who cared about me who wanted me alive for His glory." I broke down and told him of what I had endured and what was about to happen. Even though he was miles away, I felt his support even after I said "DON'T TELL ANYONE.” He replied, “Stop! You are beautiful, anyone would be so lucky to be with you, rape does not define who you are. Instead, you will define what you make rape to appear." A flow of tears fell from my eyes as he continued to speak, offering to call my house and talk to my parents. Although, I asked him not to because I was not ready to tell them, GOD used him to help me realize someone does care, and I wasn’t crazy. "What happened to you was serious, but You can make a difference," he said. “...you would just be another girl who committed suicide without a story to tell; without people knowing the true reason of what happen to you." That was the night my friend saved my life, when I made the decision that some how, some way, I need to find recovery, and relief from this burden and not just cover it up or run from it. My story didn’t end there. More than anything, I needed GOD to help me overcome so I can help other victims become victors. The moral of this story is that we can be solution to someone else’s problem; even if the matter doesn’t concern you. We can help a victim by saying "I believe you" or simply just saying "I stand with you through all of this, the best way I can." The subject of sexual assault breeds many questions, including ones, survivors ask of themselves like “What did I do? What did I say? Or other victim-blaming questions like “was it because of what I wore?" We are often asked what the “right thing” to say or ask in a situation like this, especially if it’s in response to someone close to you. Honestly, there are no “perfect or right” answers to such questions, but some that have helped us include loved one’s asking: "How can I help you, how can be a better support system for you? Is there any thing you need? Tell me how you feel? What are your thoughts/ how is your mind? Do you feel safe to go back to work/ school? How can I help you feel more safe? Or Statements like...”I believe you, and you don't have to stand alone or I'll go with you to make a report or help you do research on filing a restraining order,” have encouraged Devin and myself throughout our journey towards self-actualization and loving ourselves towards our healing. I could easily carry on about statements or questions I wish weren’t asked of me after being assaulted, but I thank God for the one friend Mr. Bell who had the courage to speak value into my life. Someone who stands out to this day as being an ally, and a friend when I didn’t have anyone to turn to in one of the most difficult seasons of my life. Sexual assault doesn’t have to be the end of your story. We encourage you to continue to follow ours as we learn, reshape, mold and grow into the women God intended us to be, no longer victims but SURVIVORS. If you feel this series or blog could help to encourage someone you know and love. Please share in the love and encouragement that can always be found here at Herstory. With love and solidarity, Cristal Lowe and Devin Marie 💕 Welcome back to another week of growth and healing. How is April treating you thus far? Okay for some...and by some we mean us included, it’s had its challenges.
Devin Marie: “To be honest, I’ve had moments of weak-mindedness. I watched a film that spoke about sexual assault loosely—as if it its just a thing that happens. In brief, some characters laughed the matter off while others bragged that a man took advantage of young woman while she was intoxicated. I unintentionally felt super irritated the rest of the evening (not knowing the exact source of my frustration at the time). I felt partially guilty for still feeling the way I felt. I felt defeated that I still cared that deeply; that even in a fictional movie I am brought back to thoughts of bitterness and less of empowerment. I say all that to say, we all have our moments...we all have stronger days than others. Please know, “feeling” strongly about something is not weakness; it’s a mirror to where we can allow healing to ensue, if we are brave enough to acknowledge its presence in our lives.” -DevinMarie The same night I watched that film, I was on the phone with my friend. My silence suggested my feelings of discontent to which they asked, what it was that I needed. To be honest, I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure if I was overreacting or if it was even worth discussing. (Deep down, I knew what I was feeling was real, and if I wanted to invite REAL healing...I had to be real about the emotional pain I felt) as minuscule as it may seem. After that conversation my friend asked if I wanted to pray. To which I replied with a stern “No,” only to feel immediately convicted. This feeling wasn’t God’s fault. The enemy was creeping up on an opportunity to hurt me where healing had the potential to be... my friend insisted we pray anyway. I agreed, and though I still remained silent, hand over my heart, I agreed with that prayer as we concluded in a heart-filled “amen.” _____________________________________________ This week, we wanted to speak a little bit about what we can do to help someone who has been a victim of assault or how we can be stronger allies to anyone who is emotionally wounded from their past. The frequency of sexual assault in our lives is unprecedented. As if the media hadn’t eluded enough, statistics provided by organizations like RAINN confirm that for every three women, one will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. One out of three; and these are only of the reported accounts! Imagine grouping the women you love all in a room together and have them stand side by side. Bring your aunties, mom, primas, best girlfriends, grandmas and imagine them standing shoulder to shoulder. Now imagine picking out one woman out of three; over and over again —those women you pulled out of line would have survived sexual assault...This isn’t even including the one out of eight men in our lives who are victims of this violence as well. We must take into account the many others who don’t or who can’t speak out due to fear of retaliation, judgment, or isolation. The culture we have created normalizes sexual violence and sexual content of all kinds and seems it excusable so long as it’s for our entertainment. If someone has the courage to speak to you about their experience, you’ve been invited to a space of complete vulnerability. Listening is such a powerful gift; listening without judgement is even more reassuring to a survivor or anyone speaking on a sensitive matter such as sexual assault. There is no “perfect way” to respond. Some responses that have reassured me were: “That was an awful thing to have gone through, but thank you for sharing your story with me.” “In the future, if you need someone to speak to, I’d like to be that listening-ear or support you in finding other helpful resources that can relate to your story.” “I love you, and I’m glad that God kept you to get you to this point where you can actually talk about it.” “I would have never imagined you going through something like that; but I’m grateful you survived; your bravery is commendable.” Sometimes survivors just need to share their story. Sometimes they just need to be heard because at one point in their life, their experience and their voice held no merit in the eyes of the justice system, or another human who took advantage of them. The enemy constantly attacks even after the attack. Many survivors have to fight off thoughts that warrant low self-esteem, lack of self-worth, and dark days. Never underestimate the power you have when the opportunity arises for a survivor to open up about something they’ve been shamed to conceal. Understand, that you don’t have to understand...we just ask that you be there when we show up. With love and solidarity, DevinMarie and Cristal Lowe (Herstory💕) Wow...it’s kind of unbelievable that we have already greeted Spring, and we are in the month of April! (Especially considering that it snowed last night here on the east coast and looking like a winter wonderland.)
Regardless of whether life is putting you through a snow storm or you are embracing more sunny days, we encourage you to join us on another month of encouragement and shared testimony from survivors like Cristal and myself. If you didn’t know, April is recognized nationally as Sexual Assault Awareness Month. We will be featuring collaborations with some great organizations looking to spread awareness throughout their own communities and globally. We at Herstory hope to do our part by sharing the voices of survivors and allies supportive of the cause. An important objective within our service-healing blog is to not only affirm the voices of survivors, but also educate our community on the prevalence of rape culture. We want to call into question patriarchal agendas within our mass media. We want to make our voices not only heard but believed in a society prone to victim-blaming. So...how can we help? Where do we even start when attempting to dismantle an agenda that perpetuates gendered violence and cultivates a culture built on foundations of fear and injustice? We may not have all the answers or the perfect one, but we hope our personal experience of sexual assault and education in the field of gender studies will aid us in building a community with new ideals and stronger voices of survivors everywhere. —-- SEXUAL ASSAULT... When you hear or see the words Sexual Assault, what does it mean to you? Does it speak volume? Or is it just an another overlooked phenomenon. At the very least, we all understand the basics...it’s been funneled in most every school orientation, in section blah blah blah of your student/employee handbooks and may or may not have come across through conversation about sex ed. Whether at school or at home. Plainly speaking, the whole "someone that was forced to have sex without their consent,” seems a bit barbaric. I mean, If we can assume the majority of society understands this, and more can agree that “being forced to do anything outside of your own will is ‘wrong’ why does it still occur? Again, BIG problems with even BIGGER questions. Similar questions can be asked of society when questioning why people kill innoncent lives, or wish/act in harmful ways against others due to their sex, sexual orientation, race creed, etc. A lot can be said as to why these things happen amidst the sinful nature of the natural world. Some may blame the individuals out their who are just “bad people”. So what about the “good people” how can that argument hold any weight what bad things happen to “good people”. The bigger lie we continue to perpetuate is that individuals are not impressionable. They say “it’s takes a village to raise a child” but if that village is torn about due to immoral or unjustified opinions of how a human should be treated; then we would argue that that child has a skewed view of how she/he will navigate these interactions in their future. This month, we want to place more of an emphasis on te community; and what we can actively do right now to foster a healthier, more supportive, loving, and equalized village of our own! Stay tuned as we discuss ways you can support a cause that has everything to do with those who’ve survived, as it does the community and culture we inhabit. Thanks for sharing your stories with us, for your bravery and your support! Till next time; with love and solidarity, Herstory 💕 Photographer: Tristan W. -Los Angeles As we wrap up this month’s blog series “Making Peace with Your Past,” we wanted to encourage you with some lasting thoughts...
Making Peace with my past isn’t so much of trying to “get over” or “move forward” as quickly as possible. It may seem like that; or appear as if everyone is moving on better or without a care in the world. It may even seem like what happened to you was one big mistake...”maybe I was over-reacting,” or this stuff only happens in the movies; this couldn’t have happened to me. But it did happen, the pain creeps in and the pain of that realization can’t be ignored. You still have you to take care of inspite of it all. From Devin Marie: “I’ve had to allow God to gracefully interrupt my process of finding peace by ultimately BEING my peace. When I didn’t surrender my problems or questions to God automatically, I tried to figure it out on my own. I lived in constant frustration of trying to FEEL BETTER, and get back to living MY life; but to no avail. I felt like I was trying to beat this ticking time-bomb before it was too late. I felt being sexually assaulted and living with PTSD meant I had to fix myself before someone would truly love me. I self-sabotaged opportunities and relationships because I constantly used my pain as a crutch when things got rough. Truth is—this pain was too much for everybody including myself. Surrendering what happened (which was completely out of my control) to the One is IN-control was my first step towards my peace. Letting go of temporary fixes and inviting Jesus into those spaces of brokenness helped me to get to where I am today. Not everyday is perfect. I sometimes have to catch my feelings, acknowledge them before they overwhelm me into making decisions that are not in my favor. As you continue your journey of healing; please know, there is no perfect day: there will be a process to get through the pain, but how you navigate that doesn’t have to be done alone. God CAN what we can’t, all we have to do is invite Him in...♥️ With love and solidarity, Herstory |
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