Dating! The word that I would avoid, the subject I was so afraid of. After being raped I promised my self I would never date anyone, because I thought no one would want to be with a rape victim. I shut down The idea Of a Love that would accept me as I was because Of all The baggage I carried. So I built an imaginary Wall SOO high up, I thought, i couldn't protect myself before but THIS time I would avoid The judgement, and The questions I didn't exactly have anwsers to...
Eventually, there came a time when I finally talked to someone after about a year of being raped. However, I was afraid to become his girlfriend because I thought for sure The topic Of íntimacy and sex is bound to come up. Long story short, we began courting, seven months went by and I did a pretty good job concealing fact that I was raped. Unfortunately, my methods for "protecting myself" made it very difficult to BE myself.
I formed more lies in my head, thinking thoughts like "Well, maybe if I have the choice to have sex, maybe if it was actually my choice I would not feel so much pain, maybe I would feel free and happy again? Just maybe then I'll walk with REAL joy and a true smile on my face..."
I made the mistake to choose to have sex and it fixed nothing...Simply because at The time I didn't love myself, and I was looking for healing in all the wrong places. I was Trying to find healing from where I was once broken.
Eventually, that relationship started to deteriate, and I began to Fall into a deeper depression; which I hid behind a smile.
Time went by and I finally realized and told my self "Cristal! You dont need someone to pre-approve you, you need to love your self again" I began the challenging process Of really letting go and as I mentioned before, forgave in order to have self peace.
Why do I share this? Because someone that is reading this needs to know that dating someone will not heal your pain, focusing your energy and time in a relationship outside of relationship with YOURSELF is not going to heal The hurt you have yet to face yourself.
How can We share honesty with a partner in The future If We have yet to be honest with our own flaws, our own experiences Of our Past?"
After much time of self love and embracing myself as a survivor of rape, God sent me a man who I was able to share and express my true feelings without worring whether he would love me or judge me. I knew then after sharing part of my story God always had a plan. This man who is my NOW my husband Of four years now has stood by my side and respected every step I had to take in order to truly heal in order for us to have room to grow and become one. -Cristal Lowe
LOVE IS an amazing thing and is more appreciated when It's self-experienced BEFORE anyone else steps into the picture.
We plan On doing a series Of self-love/ "Dating (You) Before Them" coming soon!!
Coming from our hearts to YOURS,
We love you, and are here💗
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.