Preparing myself to interview my husband, James, on sensitive subject matter, like rape presents a different dynamic to our relationship. We both understand rape and sexual assault on a personal level, from my own experience, and he has supported my efforts in empathizing the experiences of others as well. The interview in itself made me feel rage in a way that I can't even begin to explain. Internally, I was hoping that my husband's answers are not against how I feel or reveal too much honesty in reality through the male-gaze I may not have been prepared to hear. However, pushing my feelings aside, we sat down, and watched the reaction video of Derrick Jaxn on Charlemagne's insensitive reflection on a sexual assault experience.
Cristal: What is your immediate reaction to the Charlamane interview?
James: My thoughts are deep and in some way raged that grown man would just simply laugh at the fact and thought that someone was potentially raped/ or raped abuse of trust. It seams that think just think because of there status of who they may apparel to be to a public eye anyone and everyone would just want to sleep with them but as Charlamane told on him self she was pass out drunk basically not knowing what was going on there for that is raped.
Cristal: Have you ever been in a hyper-masculine setting if so what is the environment like?
James: Thinking back yes I have in my early teen years at school, a couple of male friends would hang out together and talk about females and who they had sex with of course those they talk about was consented sex, so I never understood if they both chose to have sex why some males would talk down on the girls they called girlfriends or chose to have sex with. Although I knew it was wrong at such a young aged I was told by older man, gang members in the neighborhood that females are worthless and are only to please man there for I would laugh at there comments even though I knew it was wrong. As I got older I understood the truth from what I was though to think and I would not let those conversations come across me and simply correct what wrong and what right.
Cristal: Why do you think accountability is difficult in hyper masculine spaces?
James: I believe it all goes back on how you where raise and was told to believe weather it right or wrong, Most man care about there pride and ego thinking that the more women you sleep with the more you will be admired within your circle and calling you a man bc of such thing that men are though simply man are player its all about pride and seen what man slept with more woman, but the truth is that it starts at the home any how they chose to raise you at a young age if you raise your boys to respect and constantly tell them right from wrong and no means no no matter what the next boy might say then you have planted a seed that can only continue to grow and eventually that boy will hold accountability to his peers from wrong.
Cristal: Why is it difficult to call out other men in women are objectified or are being harassed in public?
James: Aging I believe it all starts at such a young age and how people raised there boys. often boys/ men are called soft/week for standing up for a women as if women are less worthless than any other human (men) for example Terry Crews coming out man bash him some may had laugh and made memes about him that just shows that other men have a mind state that man are supposed too be taught and not soft or week there for I believe some man just stay silent in order not to be call names or look at in a certain way.
Cristal: Is it possible to see more forms of accountability for men's actions in the future? If so, what would that look like?
James: I think it is possible for forums of men to talk about the importance of protection of women but it would take some time to achieve. I think it would be a large amount of men who have in some way physically or mentally hurt a women they love wanting to hear ways they can change and be better there ways and relationship or make a difference to help those man be more accountable in preparing themselves to begin in a relationship.
After the conversation I had with my husband; I learned a bit more of the way he was raised and was able to understand how one's upbringing shapes a lot on how we respond and relate to women in our society. I can't be upset at something that he went though, but I definitely felt some kind of way hearing of how his past influenced so many of his beliefs. We both could agree that it is our responsibility as parents, to raise our son to respect women. To teach him what consent means. I have always expressed to my daughter that no matter what anyone says she can trust and tell me anything and that I would not be mad; that she does not have to have fear in telling me anything she may witness or go through. Likewise, this experience has taught me to express this same sentiment of importance to my son, and that my experience as a survivor of rape is an example of pain that should never be repeated. It is our responsibility to condition our kids in love, and respect for themselves as well as others they interact with throughout their lifetime.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.