Last month we spoke on “Standing up and Speaking Out,” and we wish to continue to inspire and encourage you in this month's series as we speak on “Honestly Healing.” In this series we will expand on what healing looks like for us, and how you can claim healing for yourself. Stay tuned as both co-founder DevinMarie and Cristal Lowe share their stories in hopes of encouraging yours to be of victory and no longer victim hood post-trauma.
Over the years, I have learned that healing takes shape in many forms and even has phases. There is no real blueprint for this kind of thing, no twelve steps I could follow, no drug or person that could fill a void that had once been my self-worth. I questioned everything, including where I placed my trust. I continued denying the fact that being raped really did effect me & my interactions with others including my view of myself. I ran as far from the truth that that pain did indeed exist, almost convincing myself it never happened.
But it did happen; and I was hurt. I was crying myself to sleep, suffering from chronic panic attacks, failing 2 semesters worth of classes at the university and getting harassed by associates of my attacker. Even so, I couldn’t bring myself to be honest with the one person who was suffering the most and choosing to put a bandage over an infected wound. I avoided the truth that my soul was broken. I was spiritually and emotionally devastated to the point the pain of being violated was nearly numbing.
It wasn’t until the pain I felt began to affect the ones I loved, did I really see that experience’s impact on my life. I isolated friends, family, and blamed every one for having even the slightest association with the man who raped me. I did well at projecting my pain instead of healing it...and sis/bro...it was exhausting!
More exhausting than taking the time to meet with a pastor who advised me to seek help from a counselor, more exhausting than hours with a trusted therapist, or the hours spent on my hands and knees laid out at the alter of my church, or the months spent fasting and or asking Cristal for prayer in the late hours of the night.
Honestly healing, or healing honestly simply meant that I began my journey pinpointing my pain—Head on. There was no more running, no more denying, and no more self-hatred for something that was ultimately out of my control. Regardless of what the police report said, or the DA’s thought, or the student body believed....I didn’t need to heal for them—my life was on the line and I needed to reclaim it FOR ME. Admitting I needed help and that I needed JESUS to take this burden from me was THE MOST difficult and yet most vital part of my healing process. To this very day, I seek God for restoration and renewing because pain has a funny way of wanting to show it’s ugly head again; when God would rather have you feel victorious over the scars you survived; not fall victim to its repercussions. I’m learning still...growing still, and healing because no one ever said there has to be an end point to this healing stuff, I believe Jesus CAN heal and has healed me...and I also believe that it’s up to me to agree with that healing every single day I am blessed to see.” —DevinMarie 🏽
Until next week, may you continue to be honest with yourself in every step of your journey...
With love and Solidarity,
DevinMarie and Cristal Lowe
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.