Good Afternoon, Good Evening and Happy Day to All.... My name is Brandie Gonzalez and I am a Survivor! I would like to share some of my story today in hopes that it would inspire someone else to set themselves Free!.... Free from the hurt, the pain and Most importantly.... Free from yourself and the thoughts that replay over and over in your mind. You are Beautiful, You are Worthy and you Deserve to be Happy.... Truly!!
My story starts to over a decade ago, back to a Time when I thought I was in Love, Love Honey... or at least at that time, I thought that was the definition of Real Love. So young and just learning... wanting to feel accepted and cherished. I was so Wrapped around this guy, that, I not only gave him a piece of me... I treated him like he was “My God”... now I know that was a bold statement, but it’s true. I would have done any and everything for him. I cherished the ground he walked on. Over the years, I knew and made his favorite foods, placed his clothes out for his showers, I would lie, steal, diss friends to stay with him and everything, completely losing myself.... on the outside looking In, one would think that we were So Happy and Perfect.. I mean, I had literally mastered the art of looking Happy to a T! With My mind screaming, “where’s my Oscar for pretending everything’s okay?!” But, behind closed doors, there was cheating, mental abuse, physical abuse, black eye and even more of the unimaginable. Being spit on...I still remember wiping the spit from his mouth off my face with tears running down my cheeks ..... I remember a time where I fought back and he pinned me down and jammed his knee in my chest so hard that the underwire from my bra broke leaving scratches under my left breast, right by my heart, then having a Queen bed placed over my body and just yelling for help with barely any strength to move. I still see these scars each time I get undressed and look at my bare body... I just remind myself that these are just apart of my story...my “war wounds” if you will. I ended up leaving and parting ways after realizing how toxic the relationship was... to only years later... get into Another relationship with mental abuse and Lies and physical abuse as well. This time, I really just wanted something to last. I had the mind state of “I’m stronger now and no one will ever hurt me again. This time, it will last because I know better. So I’ll do better?... right?!... Wrong. Let me stop right here and say this... If you don’t deal with the deep rooted hurt and lessons the first time, you’ll be put in the same situation again and again until you learn what you were suppose to learn the first time. I settled and I lower my standards and there I was... back in toxic again... I found myself Being punched in the jaw in-front of my child. I just stood there holding my face. I Couldn’t even get a word out. I didn’t even try to defend myself. I just stood there... I cried in my car and went home. My jaw swole up and I didn’t leave my home or answer Any calls for 3 days straight. That moment brought me deeper into My Bubble. I forced myself into this lonely space for years. Sulking in my hurt and guilt for not doing better as I knew. I then got angry.. with myself for years. I ended up hating myself and giving up on myself. I didn’t trust me or my decisions..I mean how could I? I didn’t stand up for Me.. not like I thought I should have if ever put in the situation again...Not wanting to be around family, my 2 Beautiful and Amazing daughters, friends and feeling unimportant and even trying to take my own life... its taken me almost 6 years Single to learn to love me again, to learn to Trust Me again. I found the deepest, darkest and most scariest parts of myself and started there... right In the midst of it all and realized that I am the light! I started listening to positive affirmations. Started writing more. I began singing more which is My first love. I realized that during this time that no matter how cliche it sounds.... that I have literally survived everything sent my way to stop me. I am suppose to be here and you are too! I am Divine energy and I am Limitless. I started talking to myself in the mirror. Thinking positive thoughts. Learning Me and Continuing to find out who I am... eating healthier, taking walks, Watching what I say out my mouth about my own self and making sure that I am now, a solid example for myself and for my daughters as well. I would like to encourage you to not only dig deep with yourself and love Yourself more but to also get your feelings out. Whether it’s writing a note and burning it as a symbol of healing, or speaking in person, whatever it may be... just make sure you heal. Its the single and most necessary factor to moving on and living your Best Life. You really can’t skip the process.
I just want to say, Thank You for allowing me to share my story a bit. I hope that through some of my experiences, you can see that you’re not alone. That You realize, You have a purpose and that you just may be helping the very next person by opening your heart and being vulnerable.... this was so scary sharing this, but if I can help One person.... just One...My Heart is Full. One day, I’ll share my stories through my music, speak and help people all over the World tap into their greatness.
I love you,
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.