Hii Queens and Kings! Cristal and Devin here discussing more of our self-love journeys:
The process post-rape can be a lonely and isolated road; which is why anyone who has endured abuse NEEDS to hear "you'll make it through this."
A lot of people ask Cristal and myself "you have so much joy, I don't get it... how did you become so positive of a person after going through something like that?"
Read more in this week's blog post as DevinMarie discusses the truth behind her smile; & how you can get it too.
Truth is, this smile was a choice I made daily. This smile was pushing past tears of anger, resentment, confusion, and a victimized mentality. The smile I wear today is REAL ya'll and I have Jesus Christ to thank for that.
"But don't you have your bad days?"
---ummm, no. What I mean by that is, I may have bad moments, but never a bad day, there are just far too many moments in 24hours that could rob me of alllll of my joy. Sometimes, I'll admit, I need a reminder. So here are some tools that I CURRENTLY use to not have me trip off a bad moment or experience, yes, even something as bad as assault.
I was raped no more than 10-15 minutes tops...I was kidnapped and not allowed to leave my associate's apartment till the next morning.
During the course of this time, I was unconscious, and to this day, I don't know what else occurred past those 10-15 minutes.
The next day, I spent 16hours processing my rape kit, filing a police report, and giving my DNA to CSI. (...woah, bad day right??)
I went to school two weeks later unaware that the man who assaulted me was back to school. I spent years after undergoing harassment from classmates, and self-loathing and pity for the failure I felt I was.
As the world moved on without me...I too had to find my way though.
So, I took intermediate steps(small, but nonetheless movements towards my future)
Tip 1: check your acquaintances
-I reevaluated my relationships. I couldn't bare handling any more negativity I was already storing up inside so I needed positive reinforcement. I only surrounded myself with those who empowered, uplifted me, & made me laugh, they were positive people who helped me focus on the good in my life even if some didn't know what had happened to me; their positivity saved me in some of my darker moments.
Tip 2: I wrote out a new routine for myself
-I had to re-prioritize my life, I mean I couldn't NOT go to work or school, I couldn't just avoid life as much as I felt was the only way to survive. So I made a new normal. I added some exercise and got back to taking dance classes in my routine that helped focus my attention on empowering my body, something I thought was taken from me.
Tip 3: I allowed myself to grieve.
-The reality is, what happened really...really drastically changed my life. I looked at my world and relationships differently, and of course myself. If I felt bad, I allowed that thought to enter my mind, acknowledge it, then let it pass. I am still working on this process. Being SO self-aware is great in the sense you know you can listen to your intuition and act accordingly, but not every thought is worth you dwelling on! So be sure when grieving your experiences you add JUST as much time If not more on what IS TRUE about your PRESENT...that you survived this long enough to think about it. YOU are a SURVIVOR
***My mind regiment for "bad thought patterns":
Acknowledge, Pick a positive, say a prayer, and LET IT GO.
God has done a NEW thing in me, I'm still working through some things mentally but emotionally I'm more sound than I ever was. I've come a long lonnnng way. But this smile is my testimony I can wear everyday if I CHOOSE to share it. So today, I'm smiling for you, the ones who are still trying to find a reason to, it's there...just be patient and kind to yourself in the process! -DevinMarie
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.