As mentioned in last week's post, people don't often speak on dating/ relationships post sexual assault, so I wanted to share a bit of experiences to help continue to conversation.
It was very difficult to even imagine myself in a relationship after the pain I had endured. I carried the weight of so much pain from being raped, not only because I was a victim of sexual assault, but because my rapist took my virginity, something I planned to keep till I got married.
Three months after the worst experience of my life I found myself getting into a relationship that I was absolutely not ready for. I continued to go through the motions of being in relationships like these and rationalized my actions by affirming my power in this situation. I figured if it was all my choice, and my decision to be in the relationship; this time around, it was my choice to say yes to sex. In my mind I thought, “I would feel better and move forward with my life.”
As great as this all sounded, I was running to and from relationships and running away from the truth. I wrong....😐 the "ONLY" relationship I should have chose to be in was with myself.
I know it may sound cliché, but truth is, we can't love someone else when we can't even love ourselves. I might have thought I loved myself, but I couldn't even look myself in the mirror and say "You are BEAUTIFUL " OR "I LOVE YOU QUEEN.” I couldn’t speak life of love into myself...how could I have expected to be able to receive those affirmations or acts of love outside of myself?
SO it all comes down to one thing; learn to love yourself even in the pain of figuring out “how could this happen to me?” Love yourself to a place of wholeness as hard as it is when you see others carrying on in relationships. Love yourself as if there will never be another person who can save you. Love yourself so that you will accept nothing less than what you truly deserve.
With ❤❤ Cristal Lowe
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.