During my teenage and young adult years, I have experienced a wide spectrum of emotions post-trauma. I have since learned not only the importance of loving oneself, but maintains that love for yourself when it’s seems nearly impossible or perhaps more challenging due to life’s demands and identities we carry throughout our lifetime.
As you may know by now, one of the hardest things I have experienced in life has been my experience of sexual assault. Being raped by anyone is a difficult and taxing experience for anyone. Having gone through that experience, I have had to learn to adopt a “new normal.” I have had to learn and accept that my life will never be the same because of that moment but I can learn to adjust, adapt, and become stronger for it.
I was forced to live life differently, primarily in fear until I took steps towards my healing, then in trusting myself. I learned to forgive myself, rebuke the guilt and self-blame and accept that I needed help! Yes, I needed help—I was not taking my diabetic medication because somewhere deep inside of me I stopped caring about myself all together.
I was questioning so much around me including my decisions and relationships. “How was I able to remain loyal to everyone around me, but my self?” I realized than that I had to put me first; and begin making healthier decisions. I had begun with my mind, and renewing it daily from the lies that lay in my head to the truth that “I did matter and that there was much more than my painful past dictating my present and future.”
For so many years, seven years to be exact, I lived in numbing emotional and mental pain. I look back and think, “How can I let seconds maybe a minute that cause so much pain take over my life for so many years...snap out of it Cristal!!!”
Many of us including myself can attest to pain that is deeper than just an experience or one isolated event. The type of pain that could have sent you into shock and knock you unconscious, that silent pain, that hidden pain that live in some of us and no one knows about... it’s is unbelievably debilitating to say the least. And it was time to love me again.
I had to trust myself to move forward in order to see love and loyalty in my life again. I had treat myself like I would any other relationship outside of me. As silly as it may sound, I had to get in a relationship with my self, be committed to loving me again. Becoming loyal to me again started by acknowledging that I wasn’t. I had to step outside of my mind and situation and see what I was and wasn’t doing to love a healthier life (i.e taking my medication). Making small decisions every single day that agrees with your promise for better days instead of your past will collectively add to more love for self, and in turn, love for those around you.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.