Hello readers, supporters, Queens and Kings!!
This week we are continuing on our series of "Moving On , & Moving Forward" with some thoughts from our amazing cofounder Cristal Lowe! Her experience as a survivor of sexual assault is one that inspire me and motivates me to continue to pursue my own healing. This week is no exception to the example she has taught me through the years, that we hope blesses somebody out there too!
Here is Cristal's story:
I knew in order to heal I had to move forward...but the thought was easier than done. Years after being raped, fear made a home on the inside of me.
I thought, even if I chose to move on with my life, how could I acomplish such movement when I see my rapist everywhere from fashion events, friend's parties, to just driving down the street? How could I move forward when fear lived in me every day I stepped out of my house? How could I move forward when my pain had never been told?
As mentioned on a serious before my healing started when I first shared my testimony at church. Pastor Mark Jackson suggested I choose a scripture pertaining to my situation, which lead me to find:
I prayed everyday that God would allow the fear to vanish away, but still I thought "this is impossible I have built fear for years and years...how was it possible for me to break free?" But even if my faith was shaky at that time I continued to press in I thought, "what if this praying stuff is real? What if all I have to do is pray so hard to the point that I no longer fear, I mean I was still growing in Christ. Long story short, a couple months after pressing and holding onto the scripture Psalm 6:10 I decided to take everything back; I decided to go back to fashion week in Las Vegas.
Every six months people came all over the world to enjoy fashion week, yet it had become my biggest fear due to my sexual assault a few years prior. Still, I decided to go back. I went back in part to enjoy fashion week once again, and fulfill my dreams as an up in coming designer, but most importantly, to face my fears. I remember praying so hard that I believe God said "This is it; no more fear my daughter , I have created you to be great and not be ashamed or scared, for I am your God who protects you and no one can ever harm you!"
The moment came when I told my husband let's sit for a second... I heard his voice and as I turn to my left their he was standing on a circle I began to pray in my mind and repeating the scripture as we began to walk into the event we had to pass by him, with all in me I wanted to pass by him and keep my eyes down to the grown, but as I prayed, fear left my soul-- I walked right past him and look straight into his eyes, and as I prayed I continued to repeat Psalm 6:10. He looked away down to avoid making eye contact with me with shame. (my gosh, I couldn't believe what just happened... I had defeated my rapist for the first time in about 4 years I had let go of fear let go of shame, let go of embarrassment, let go of what the enemy meant to destroy my destiny for the first time in a long time I felt like my self again.
Moving foward is not easy and healing comes in different phases, but I promise it's coming and one day you will to feel like your self again, to the point you can look ANY situation straight on, without fear, or torment of what's guilted you in the past. --Cristal Lowe
With love, growth, & healing,
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