Happy Friday Queens and Kings!
This month is all about “Making Peace with Your Past”
Have you ever made efforts of moving forward from that previous relationship, job, or bad experience? Have you ever intentionally made those efforts and no matter how many attempts; you feel like you’re back at ground zero?
This is the part your heart tries to skip; the part your mind tries to ignore, that “throw a band-aid over your wound and keep it moving” mentality. For some of us, we don’t realize we are even doing it...but honestly, who would volunteer to go through THAT type of pain again? Eventually, we have a decision to make; we can either continue to find quick-fixes to soothe these pains in life or show our wounds some much needed TLC. ♥️
My real healing began when I stopped running from my past, and made the intentional decision to confront it. I stopped trying to fix the symptoms related to my pain and get to the root of it. I also stopped placing my idea of healing in relationships and activities that were depleting me, or keeping me from fully accepting the reality that “I was not okay” <——-and that it was okay to not okay.
Without really knowing, I was trying to navigate my life post sexual-asssault while dealing with PTSD.
According to recoveryranch.com;
“Post-traumatic stress disorder occurs when you develop four types of symptoms in the aftermath of a traumatic event. Broadly speaking, these symptoms are:
I was dealing with all four of these debilitating symptoms and displacing each one on those closest to me. My relationships, academics, and work suffered dramatically. I often woke up from night terrors mistakenly thinking my then boyfriend was the man who raped me, I dropped a semester’s worth of classes because I was either failing or didn’t want to show to class I was constantly anxious/uneasy at work, and severely unhappy.
Dealing with PTSD isn’t actually “living” I was in constant fear, so much so, I retreated into myself and suppressed the pain as much as possible in hopes that the pain from an unwanted experience would eventually dissipate. But these types of wounds needed to be addressed, not masked in alcohol, or my co-defendant relationship. Gaining agency over my own body meant I stopped sharing my brokenness with other people and experiences hoping to be whole.
In addition to weekly therapy, and small groups at my church, was my faith in Jesus Christ. However, If I am going to be completely honest, God was the last option and not my first priority when seeking my healing from sexual assault trauma. I only let Him have parts of me...not fully confident in surrendering my body to a God that watched as I was being violated in my past.
How could I have faith in Jesus, a man who once healed the sick and the blind, to now, heal me from the emotional and mental attacks I never wanted? How could I allow God to enter the most vulnerable part of me when it’s been exposed, manipulated and taken advantage of in years past?
What kind of God would allow these things to happen then expect me to crawl in His arms for comfort?
My questions are usually answered with the following scriptures:
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
Do not call to mind the former things,
Or ponder things of the past.
“Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.
Meditating on these scriptures continued to be a life source for me, removing the crutches from my past allowed me to see God manifest Himself in my life and to heal the wounds I covered up daily.
I realized the more you ignore a physical injury, your condition often worsens. As a dancer and athlete I would often perform and compete in sprained ankles and broken toes. Rather than rest and allow my body to heal, I further injured myself, making me unable to do what I loved. Same regard should be held for our metal and emotional state—if you’ve been hurt, it’s time to call out that hurt, surrender it to the doctor of all doctors, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, His Holy Spirit will guide your ways towards the healing YOU need. For some of you, seeking therapy will be really helpful, for others confiding in a friend or family member you feel safe talking to will be enough. Whatever that next step is, begin with acknowledging how you feel—and if you or someone you know might be dealing with PTSD please seek the help you need!
TXT Crisis hotline:
Text HOME to 741741 in the US
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
You are not weak, you are not irrational, you are not less worthy of love. You are simply, hurt, and we are here to tell you that hurt does NOT have to be navigated alone!
We happened to find Jesus amidst our pain, and He graciously and lovingly helped us find our purpose. We want to be here every step of the way so please, reach out via email or any of our social media handles so we can be a better support system to you or someone you may know who needs access to resources or insight on steps we took in our journey to heal.
With love and solidarity,
Devin Marie and Cristal Lowe
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.