Happy Friday Readers!
We hope you are all continuing to find peace and love within yourselves. We pray that you are growing, and manifesting all of your goals, dreams and aspirations...and regardless of what this week has brought KNOW that this is also a place for you to decompress...to breathe...and find solace solace we to at Herstory are growing with you.
That being said, we are thrilled to be extending the Love Series with this week's NEW topic. We are reflecting all about what "Setting Boundaries" means to us; as well as "healthy dating habits". Be blessed Queens and Kings! 👑
"Setting boundaries is very important in order to not to fall into old habits or in order not to settle for something less then what you deserve.
My bit of advice;
Take time to love yourself and re-know yourself before getting involve in a relationship. In other words; date your self figure out what bothers you and what doesn't so that you may set boundaries that can't be broken with someone in the future. Some people say when building a business you must be consistent, well, setting boundaries in your personal life is the same in my opinion. Be consistent with goals you have set for yourself.
In my experience, I had to be single for a while in order to really know who I was becoming and what I really wanted. Along the way, I had a crazy idea that by the age of 20 something I had to be married I could not let that dream rush me into something I was not prepared for therefore I had to make boundaries keep me on the right track, even if it was hard at times I had to stick to them. Yes! There were times I said I’m only 21, I should go out and be free, live more and have no regrets... but unfortunately after being raped I could not live like that even if my mind told me too. Yes, I was afraid to be hurt, and taken advantage again; But as mentioned before, I had to start living for me. I had to begin to live MY LIFE, and stand for giving God glory in every way possible. **Don’t break your boundaries you will thank yourself in the long run.**
What I did to maintain a healthy dating/ relationship life was sticking to my boundaries. When I began to date my husband he can confirm to you that I would NOT go on a date just the two of us. yes, I was afraid, but it was also part of the boundaries I created to protect myself and heal properly with God. I simply was not ready to be alone one on one with a male without the feeling of fear overwhelming me. Maybe he thought I was crazy and maybe he could of thought over and over “I’m not a serial killer, what’s wrong with her?” Although I knew I liked him and wanted to know him more I had to spend time with him and double date or bring a friend along. Sounds crazy, I know! but that’s what it took for me to be comfortable dating my husband. Ladies, one thing is for sure-- if a man respects you he will respect your boundaries no matter how crazy they may sound. 👑❤
Also, if you are looking to date, don’t rush into anything like I was once influenced to. You have a lifetime to enjoy the company of your soulmate to build together and create memories, but it’s so worth taking your time, getting to really know who you are, and what you want in order to be ready to give what you would want to receive that will last a life time."
"I can relate similarly to Cristal on so many regards! I spent a good majority of my life healing broken pieces and giving the left overs to temporary lovers that could not satisfy a broken and damaged self. I knew love or the expression of love to be manipulated with hate. Sex was shown to me through pain and intimacy in general mirrored my definition of what love was based on a history of unfortunate circumstances. Therefore I knew, I had to rewrite my definition of what love meant
to me; through the ultimate expression of Jesus Christ.
💗1 John 4:7 says💗:
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God
On that principle I sought out to love in a way I've never known, by the example of love that didn't involve manipulation or hate, but pureness of heart. A selfless kind of love that took time cultivating and nurturing, that took FAITH to believe in; the love and embodiment of Jesus Christ.
My journey to loving myself was only truly applied to daily life when I embraced who God could be in my life.
I asked for His guidance, direction, and counsel because those over-rated co-dependent, and toxic relationships of my past mirrored to much of what I was trying to free myself from: pain.
Certain boundaries I created meant practicing celibacy with my future husband. I knew whoever HE was, I could be all I needed for Christ; and that aspect
Of my being not be compromised.
Was this always the case in my past, no. But when I truly gave my life to Jesus, the man standing next to me moved according to the spirit, without question that was a boundary we decided from here on out...we
Would NOT cross together unless we were husband and wife.
It's been a long road coming, but I can say that that boundary alone has made me
to appreciate love's true healing power. Intimacy is a lot more than sexualized desires. Intimacy that is dependent on conversation, reading God's
Fasting, and prayer allows
Love to grow without worldy expectations. It allows one to experience LOVE the way God showed me; without distractions, complications, or manuipulations.
Setting up this one particular boundary withinmy relationships has allowed me personally to continue to heal and master love for my own life. I'm not expert on LOVE...by any means...but I've known enough of it's opposite. I've known hate, and how consequently, growth fails to continue in that space, peace ceases to exist, and purpose seems obselete.
Whether you've known or experienced abuse or assault...know that there is LOVE in you.
Its quite a simple thing I think we've over complicated and misunderstood over
time. But when you subtract all that, there is opportunity to add the good; and eventually, you find the solution. I happened to find mine in Jesus. And I pray His example of love shows us there is more out there than pain...and that we don't have to continue to relive our heartbreak."
It's healing time. 💗
With love and solidarity,
Cristal Lowe & Devin Marie 👑
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.