We're back! Cristal and I are really blessed to have the relationships we have with the great men in our lives...but let's be real...it hasn't always been a walk in the park. Relationships of any kind take WORK. And the relationships we've had with men has drastically changed because our negative experiences with the opposite sex. We've lived a jaded life; not trusting, not believing that good men existed, or simply having a lack of connection with men closest to us, including our very own fathers.
So this week, we wanted to dedicate our post to the men who have most definitely been patient in "hearing our healing," with letter from Herstory's founders and our dads...
💗💗💗 #deardad 💗💗💗
From Devin Marie:
I guess for starters let me just say, this is one of the most difficult letters I've had to write.
Consider it the words in between spaces from the letters I never sent. This is an ode to every unfinished conversation we never had. This is not the substitute, but I pray it will suffice for every exchange of words that was interrupted in tears or raised voices conveyed in person because I allowed an experience to build an unwalkable bridge between our relationship.
I am not putting all the blame on myself. I am, however taking the responsibility as a woman in owning my part in our "us". I looked to you like the King of the house. And every time you were gone for business I figured you were just doing what all kings do, tending to the world's demand of your presence while mom, our Queen, made sure the home was kept, and me and my siblings were loved.
And I loved you so much. I love you still. I loved you deeply in every absence of you not being there; and when you were, I cherished the scent of your after shave cologne ever more. You left the greatest impression on me. I took that with me wherever I went; but the sweet and spiced aroma faded as it was masked with smokin- mirrors of hyper-masculinity's entitled reflection.
I know they we're not you; and you were not them. But I could never bridge the connection between the man you are, and the men they failed to be. When I was left in a room, assaulted, and alone...while a group of college football players ignored my attempts to leave the bedroom of the man who took advantage of me and never once intervened---
I didn't know they couldn't be you. And I had to forgive you for not being them when I needed someone like you most.
But Dad, I thank you for being patient. You never asked to understand, to take away the pain, but you always asked if I needed anything. Even though patriarchy would imply me needing a man to only provide financially...I read in between the lines. I always responded "no, I'm okay, thanks though!" But I received you asking as the Anwser to my need of emotional solitude amidst the chaos I endured in my life.
I love you for being the best you you could be for me before I was introduced to falsified versions of masculinity. And showing me in your own way, that if I needed anything, I had always had, and will have the power, to say yes. So I said yes to love, and no to pushing you and any other wholesome person that mirrored a reflection of a father I know has never failed; My Lord above, my reigning savior, and rescuer, the renewer of my mind, and the way to seeing you in greater strength than I had before.
So to the man I have grown to admire and love all over again, and in a more genuine appreciative way, I love you Daddy. Happy Father's Day. And every day you step up and SHOW UP; You being there in the capacity you knew how is recognized and appreciated in the utmost of ways I never knew before. "Thank you".
your princess 👑✨💗
Although Father's Day comes once a year our fathers should be celebrated all year.
I know when I broke my news you felt as if an arrow struck your heart the tears and question soon became guilt and self question, "Was I not a good father? Did I not protect you?" But in fact you have been the best father who protected me to the fullest..
What happen was not in your control yet you did the best thing a father could have ever done, pray to God for His protection over me. Yes, I was hurt; but God still showed up and protected me so that one day I can share my story and say how great of a father you have been, to always ask God to protect me when you can't be there to stand in the gap and to always cover me.
I thank you for being the over-protective father who rather see me mad than hearing I was out acting a fool. I thank God that he entrusted you to raise me and show me His ways and not our own. Although I can write a whole novel of my childhood memories it all comes to these simple words: thank you for being the father you have been to me and for always showing me love and kindness for always showing up and protecting me and for being the best grandfather my children could ever dream of having...
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.