Luke 8:43-48 King James Version (KJV)
You remember it vividly. Down to what you were wearing, who you were with, the feeling in the atmosphere--and the pain. The part in the story you try to skim over in your mental database in hopes of tricking your mind it was all made up, (because let's face it, we need to get a grip because it been weeks, months, even years now since it happened.)
The tricky thing about trauma is, it was never invited into our lives, but once it has made itself known, it is now our job to escort it out of our lives. Trauma changes you deeply. It is felt mind, body and soul...so you can bet that there are some major layers to peel off when we refer to the healing process.
Whether you are forced to recover from a broken arm, a surgery, or even a breakup; we know that these things take time. We have all heard it.... "time heals everything." But we would argue that if you do not actively pursue healing, and get out of your comfort zone you'll be waiting a long time for your miracle. Reference back to the scripture we shared in the beginning of our post, depicting the immediate moment a brave woman who had been suffering for twelve years received her healing from Jesus Christ." It doesn't say whether she attempted to get help for her issue before, but it took this moment of bravery to go beyond the crowd, and by faith, reach out to the man whom she heard could do miracles.
Sometimes reaching out is the first step towards your healing process, and though it might not happen over night, Cristal Lowe shares her journey in accepting time as an ample part towards her healing after rape.
As I went on about my days post-rape I can remember feeling more confused than anything else. I asked myself, "did this really happen?" I pretended that everything was okay and went on with my work in the fashion industry. Fashion week in Las Vegas still brought back memories of the night I was taken advantage of; but I returned the next year. For a very long time after, I buried myself if my work and hid my tears behind silence and a smile. I knew I had to be strong, yet it felt like I would never get past that day. I felt like I never wanted to date anyone and thought for sure I would never get married after this because I felt so ashamed to imagine if I would even tell anyone what I had experience.
Every day felt like healing was pulling away from me. I simply pretended nothing happen; I didn't talk or think about it. I would lay in my bed in the dark with my door closed and cry as I would try to come up with solutions that would heal me from this broken heart. I cut off all friends that knew him (the man who raped me) and eventually distanced myself from all friendships I had. I thought, if I start over then no one will no my story before I was raped, I wouldn't have to share this shameful story of pain and sorrow.
Healing really began by forgetting the crowd like that woman with the issue of blood. I need to find myself at that state of desperation, looking at myself honestly for who I still was after being raped. I needed to be alone in order to learn to love the new person I was becoming with this new pain I had endured. It may not seem like the smartest thing to do, but it helped me understand who I was becoming in life. Although, I credit my healing to the moments I accepted what happened to me was not my fault, and when started loving myself again, my true healing started when I gave my life to Jesus Christ and got baptized. In doing so I began my real transformation. I was finally leaving the old behind and learning that trials are part-time but my victory is eternal.
I don't look back now as a victim. I'm able to speak and write about the trauma from being raped without hurt, or tears, and a smile knowing GOD did this for me and He can do it for someone else reading this too. I don't do anything to monitor my healing other than continue to pray and just living life in gratitude and with love. It is as if the hurt never crossed my path...that is what is so supernatural about healing. I am living in such as state of peace and assuredness now for what God has done in my life. If you asked me today, I can honestly say, I don't remember the hurt I once felt, it is like giving birth-- you are in so much pain but the moment you hold your bundle of joy you forget all the pain you had and as time goes by you can only remember the pain as a memory all that is left is the joy and feeling like love has finally made it home in you again. --Cristal <3
Until next week, we encourage you to continue to carry out your bravery, and be patient with yourself in the process.
With love and solidarity,
Cristal Lowe and Devin Marie
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