In recent events we can see the domino effect of testimonies sparking up concerns and conversations about the on trend hashtag #METOO imparting solidarity amongst survivors of sexual assault and harassment. Some have countered this movement asking "what about all those who don't come forward? Are they any less brave in comparison to those who have? Are we adding more pressure to a delicate subject not everyone is "ready" to share, and are isolating more victims by edifying the self-proclaimed sexual assault survivors?"
For Cristal and myself, we spent years in silence, it took years to even attempt to accept the emotional, mental and physical processes post rape...and we aren't hear saying there is "perfect time" either. It's YOUR journey, your life, and on your time.
So...Where did we begin, and how did we heal??...
Post rape requires a lot of unpacking, unraveling...for me, push through mountains of fear was something I felt I battled alone. I spent hours, days, months, and years pretending to be happy. Pretending to be someone I wasn't; the girl I used to be before sexual assault.
She was confident, bubbily, outgoing, and fearless. I didn't know where she went after that night...but it's taken years to regain a new image of that young fearless woman in the body I look at now in the mirrr.
It was so hard to look at my own reflection without a thinking of that night, without thinking how much I hated my self for what happened as if I made the choice, (knowing now I was a victim) but then I felt and took on all the fault for it.
I internalized questions like "how can I ever be a wife and mother when I can no longer be myself?" "How can I look at someone and say I love them when I didn't love my self?"
It it was during this unraveling and unpacking and having the worst reflections of myself and my life, I found Jesus😍---a person, being, place, wave of the spirit where I never felt so loved.
the following scripture guided me through my healing and new beginning:
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light✨
I might had been broken, living in the motions like the walking dead with nothing to look foward to; parading around with a beautiful smile on the out side yet death in the inside with no desire to live.
--But when I found the love of God when I truly gave my all to Him and surrendered my pain, my experiences, my life....he striped me of the darkeness, the heavy weight, and showered me with life and light again. It has not been an easy journey at all, but it sure has been worth every step I had to take to be here today to share my story.
It is our mission to help you share yours. If not to us, I'd not here, to yourself. But when you share your story don't leave out the fact that you're blameless. You did not deserve what happened to you. You are not a victim, Queen or King...YOU are a survivor.
If you leave this page; leave knowing you are not alone in this struggle of escaping pain and walking in your purpose. You were meant for more than suffering and self-blame, and countless questions as to why the system, your friend, your relative, your better-judgement failed you. You are more than this experience but ignoring it...is just as worse as it happening and no justice being served. Denying your pain is worse than its inflection on your innocent flesh. FACE yourself in all that you are, your truths both beautiful and jarring to the heart. We hear you, we are proud of you. We love you.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.