Hi Queens & Kings!
DevinMarie here, and wanted to share some thoughts on the Giants I have faced and are facing currently. But let's be honest...Once you get past the denial part...or worse, blaming others for your own limitations; facing anything that you deem as daunting or a challenge takes guts…am I right? 😏
When trauma consumes your being, the essence of who you are is often distorted. You can’t take the good in you without emphasizing the bad. You can be so critical of yourself you rob yourself of the joy in being human.
I realized that my greatest limitations in my process of healing my inability to let go
Queens and Kings, this is a giant I had to really come face to face with. Post sexual assault and the trauma attached requires many layers of healing. I feel like I am in a great place in my life…I feel like I have made so many great strides in my healing with my walk with God. But, I also feel like I put limits in what I think God can really do in this season of my healing. God has really been dealing with my communication in a major-major way. I have been walking in my flesh in regards to this, and have been convicted of this limitation I need to acknowledge and conquer. Sexual assault has taught me to close off all forms of communication, even from those that I love. I developed a habit of internalizing not only that experience, but also anything that feels like pain, misunderstandings, and problems I may be confronted with. I have often resorted to shutting down, and cutting off anything and anyone that didn’t meet my needs, or see my pain. (huh, sound familiar?)🤔🤔
Well, after the rape, that’s everything I ever felt—unheard, unseen, and ultimately unloved. I allowed that moment to transcend in every area of my life, so that when there was an issue, I internalized it. Because honestly, if you couldn’t see or hear the cries I tried to conceal after something like that, what makes me feel safe enough to want to express anything similar? But this mentality only left me with more discontent, and left others who do love me, and who do see me feeling confused, frustrated and hurt. 💔
This doesn’t make room for growth of any kind; it only forges the gap of misunderstandings and feelings of neglect between you and the rest of the world.
So…how do you open up when rape culture and sexism has taught you to be silent, to victim-blame, and suffer silently alone? You break the cycle—You shift your perspective, There ARE people who care, who love, who respect, and who honor the real spirit God has placed inside of you: one without fear, victimization, or pain. Someone who is free from not only the pain of their past, but what that pain has incorrectly taught them about themselves. I’m working on it, especially in my most intimate relationships with my partner, family, and closest friends. I have a giant to conquer, and ya girl is comin’ swinging for Goliath. “this too shall pass…” and in the process, I will be patient with myself, and let go of the limitations that my past wishes could stop me.
-NOT today; not ever Satan! 🙅🏽💃🏽
Love, DevinMarie 💖💖
With love and solidarity,
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.