We are officially in a brand new month, & what better way to kick off this month with a BRAND NEW SERIES!
But before we do, we have some closing thoughts on "Conquering Giants" series written by DevinMarie. (STAY TUNED for more!)
One of the biggest giants I've faced (in my attempt to live my life healed and no longer in the prison of victimization) was that of unforgiveness.
It was easier for me to grab onto to it; unforgiveness; until it began to infiltrate every aspect of my being. I hated my life. I hated that I had this cross to bare. I hated that my ex boyfriend asked if I had asked for it, I hated that the police questioned me more then the man who raped me, I hated that the school I attended was more concerned in covering up the mess that their star quarterback was involved in an assault case then protecting my rights as a scholar, I hated that I couldn't tell my family, I hated that God allowed this to happen to me, and I hated myself for puting myself in harms way--for not heeding to the warning signs, to not listening to my gut.
I hollowed my life till there was nothing and even that was too unbearable so I filled myself back up with the one thing I knew wouldn't leave me unless I personally asked it to....unforgiveness. Along with unforgiveness was its cousin bitterness, aunt resentment, and brother, pity.
I befriended them until I identified myself more with them instead of Christ.
How in the world did that young woman get to where she is now...you might ask? 🤔
How is it that the young battered woman turned sorrow into dancing, turned anger into peace, turn doubt and questions of "why me?!" Into purpose and clarity? 🤔🤔🤔
I faced the spirit of God...I was saved 3 months after I was raped. I had a choice to receive Christ in my heart...as battered and broken and cold as it was; the smallest amount of faith...compelled me to say "Yes God, take my life, and do with it as You wish. The world has had its way with me, and I want to give You a try. It's a long shot, but I've tried absolutely EVERYTHING else...
So forgive me....so I can learn to forgive others." 🙏🏽😌
I believed that day that He did. I believe that for me and my journey, it was what was needed to conquer this huge mountain of Giants that showed their presence daily in the actions of those who continued to harass me, in the night-terrors that would wake me from my sleep, the mounts of anxiety, ptsd, uncontrollable tears, those who questioned my character....and the list goes on.
But I'll be honest, being angry got really comfortable. 🙇🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️😡 And God continues to remove layers of any ounce of bitterness left from situations I face even now. Big or small, unforgiveness in You is robbing you of living your fullest life. There were times I would repeat "it is already forgiven" time and time again until my mind stopped looking at that person or experience as the enemy. The moment my heart was filled with peace.
What "they" did was wrong. You may not have asked for this cross to bare, but you don't have to carry this load on your own. I can't write these passages monthly and share my joy in life without mentioning HOW I have overcome these giants I assume many out there face in their own lives.
I wasn't seeking religion, this blog wasn't intended to being #teamJesus it was simply a place to share testimony of survivors like Cristal and myself...to know that we weren't alone in this after all...and before we ever met eachother we found JESUS. More like He found us, right where we were in all are baggage...And since then ya girls have been slaying Giants on the daily! 💃🏽🙅🏽💁🏽
So yea...this is an unashamed "try team Jesus" because #Hesthetruth and because you would not be reading this and witness His glory flowing in our lives if we didn't surrender them in the first place.
Sooo....with that, we are extending love and the love of Christ to all those who are still trying to figure it out on their own. Always remember...David wasn't in that ring by himself; he was equipped for battle, and we pray that with these tools and insight, you will be too!
It's healing time ya'll!🙌🏽🙌🏽
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