The poem below was submitted from a Queen we'd like to honor with this week's "contributer portion". We welcome anyone who has a story to share. A story that will give someone else hope, & perspective for the millions of individuals who face the complexities Having survived sexual violence. You can choose to be anonymous as we've chosen to do today. We honor her bravery, transparency, and strength. This is her story.💕
"A Letter To My Son"
For the tears I've shed...
The past I've led...
The months I carried you, and the manI'm raising you to be....
I prayed for a boy because I couldn't handle a girl, I hoped and I wished, I rubbed clothes in the store...Iprayed harder than ever and had faith like never before, I truly wanted a boy. you were never supposed to be here so your birth is a miracle in itself and Ilove everything about you. from your heartbeat to your feet, from your eyes to your nose, from your ears to your soul all the ways to incompase your life force..I love you so dear. But momma has a story to tell you and although it aint pretty, I hope it will explain some of the things I say. I'm raising you to be a gentleman through and through in every way, to love, to protect and to obey day by day...a NO means NO so that you dont ever forget it...whether you or your lady says it, please dont fight, dont try to persuade, dont take advantage, please just stop and walk away, dont makes excuses, dont be angry, just accept that a NO means NO in every single way...tears come easy and moments can take all your innocence away, all it takes is one time. Unfortunately my moments lasted longer, starting at the RIPE age of 9...my moments lasted 4 years, each time more sickening than the last, so my son please listen as i tell you my past. Don't become the thing, that monsterous being, that loose soul diabolical in scheme, that deadly drift...NO normal 10 year old contemplates suicide, connected to the ceiling fan from an orange jump rope tied around my neck waiting to jump off the stand...a swinging lifeless corpse swaying from the band...NO son dont be the reason and cause of that kind of pain. And yes it does happen at any age to any race to any gender, there is no debate no difference in any of that or weight. I vow to protect you with my life, but do you see what stfrife i would face if you were a girl? God saw fit to spare me that fate, i couldn't have watched myself grow grow for 8 1/2 to 9 to 13...so God gave me you, a true blue and i dont love you any less nor any little girl i see but mommy just couldnt handle you being born a she...and for that i will not make an excuse for you NO "boys will be boys" around here, not ever. Baby please listen to me, it would break my heart for tou to ever start...please dont be the creature who goes bump in the night, dont be the FREDDY to anyone's dreams, don't make them scared to dream or scream out, to make a sound, don't make them cringe whenever you're around...afraid to be alone with you for fear of what you will do, don't be be the thing that creates nightmares and robs them of their dreams. Silent screams, trying to act like the pain doesn't exist. Maybe pills will work this time, 56...pills crushed in half...dissovled in 1 bottle of water, murky beige was the color...i poisoned my system, could've/should've died that night right over there, couldn't even finish the whole bottle, only a quarter left to drink...Angry, angry at God, angry at everyone, couldn't process it out, didnt know how just cried inside myself as parts of me died...that was 19 im almost 25 now...you see the after effects from 13 to 19, relapse at 20...and 6 years bound. I would've cut my wrist all the way if i could've taken the pain, but God saw fit to spare me and i thank him for it now. Baby dont pity me, listen to me, love me, and really hear me...see me...for what i say im not just a victim i made it all the way, it doesnt matter if your rapist is the same age or older, related or not, it truly is all the same. If you ever meet a girl like me, treat her with the upmost care, love her dearly and just be there...above all pray for her, for all things are healed through prayer. May you stick up for her and protect her always. My personal aplogy and explination from God himself came 1 year beforw you were born. And it still makes me cry to this day, for the love lost in my very own heart was renewed, the trust lost made brand new. My son, my son I pray you NEVER go through what ive been through BUT with all I posses I pray even harder and longer that you never become the MONSTER inside the man I knew.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.